Choose to Forgive

I just want to take a moment to speak to all you anonymous thirty somethings. I want to tell you that this may be "just a stage you are in", and it won't last forever. You've been through stages before, you know. Like when all your friends were in the dating stage; then all of you went through the getting married stage; next was the having babies stage, and then (unfortunately), some of you went through the getting divorced stage.
It seems that the women around me are going through a hurt, disjointed, and disillusioned stage. It doesn't have to be that way, of course, but it seems that by the time we reach this "thirty something", we have collected a lot of hurts. We've hurt others (often unintentionally), and we've lost a lot of relationships. We feel hurt sometimes, and we feel alone! Some of us don't have an extended family to fall back on, and some of us are under stress in our marriages to boot. Many of us have teenagers, or are under financial pressures.
Wow. We are going through some stuff.
But I think what's most important at this phase in life, is to be ruthlessly forgiving. Remember, that those women who have hurt you, or betrayed your friendship- they are hurting too! Your parents are fallible, your church is only full of normal men and women. You will have others fail you, and maybe they already have- terribly.
But this reminds me of my sweet daughter Victoria, and her recent encounter with her slightly older brother Joshua.
Joshua took Victoria's mittens, and was out in the snow drifts having a great time. Victoria was in the house, dejectedly searching for any sort of mitten. To no avail. Assessing the situation, I suggested to Victoria that she put some of Jed's turbo thick woolen socks over her hands, and just go have a good time. But Victoria was intensely focused on the terrible injustice of the situation- "Joshua took my mittens, and he wouldn't give them back!" An injustice, to be sure, but I wanted to point something out to Victoria.
"Are you enjoying yourself by being bitter about it?"
"no..."
"What if you just forgave him, and moved on with your life? You could spend the whole day being angry, and it would ruin all your fun... or you could let it go, and it would have no power to affect the rest of your day! Just put on the socks, and leave it behind."
(Sage advice for myself these days. "Just put on the socks, and move on with your day.")
She cried. And put on the socks. I don't know the end of the story yet, but I think it's time for me as a thirty something to forgive. To recognize that I can't change what's going on around me, but I could do something about the future. I can get through this stage a lot faster, if I will ruthlessly forgive.

Don't Quit, and Don't Give Up

This is something I repeat to myself frequently. "I'm not quitting, and I'm not giving up!" Some days I feel I have to say it over and over, in order to remind myself. Other days I say it in relief. "I didn't give up, and I didn't quit!" (Phew!)

The basis for this unwillingness to quit is this:

Jesus came into my messed up life, and He accepted me- He changed me. He took my sins upon Himself, and He went to the cross in my place. He went to hell for me, and then He gave me His Life, His Resurrection, when I had earned nothing, and deserved death.

He rose from the grave by faith in the Father's word, and He gave me His Spirit to live in me forever, so I would always have a friend- always have hope! He conquered sickness, temptation, sin, and the grave for me, and He gave me His written word so that I would have all access to Him; all comfort-- so I would know that I have a covenant. I have His promise!

When He overcame for me, when He purchased all victory with His own blood, and then turned around and called me victorious... How could I give up?

How can I look into the scriptures and read the accounts of those in worse circumstances than mine, and disregard the intense faith that they kept in Him- and that He delivered them!

How can I read what He has promised me in Isaiah, and ever be discouraged... How can I believe He is against me when the entire bible outlines His unfailing goodness! He is God, and He is good!

How could I quit, when His Spirit lives inside of me- has become Part of who I am? How could I ever fail, when He Who lives in me is unfailing?

When He has won it all, and He won't give up on me? When He won't quit on me?

I can't I don't. You won't either. Some days seem tough, but we call those blessed who persevere (who didn't quit- who didn't give up). And there are good days too! And there is heaven ahead. He won't give up on me- I will not dishonor Him by giving up. All we need is His word, and He has given it to us in written form, to have it with us forever. Promise, after promise. And the more I read it, the more addicted I am- this book is filled with hope! This book is filled with life itself! This book is Alive, and This Book is a Person! This book is true, and it is The Truth. Oh, how I love His Word, and I can't live without it- and neither can you. You cannot live without the One who will not fail you or forsake you! He can't live without you either- He loved you enough to die for you, to win you to His side, to woo you, and to have you. He is the Great Bridegroom, the Irresistible, the Undeniable. He is the Awesome Almighty- He is Jesus. Oh the Blessing, oh the Joy, oh the Power. He is Worthy.

No. I can't give up. Neither can you- there is hope ahead for your life- the kingdom of God is within you, and you have the mind of Christ now. When you ask Him in to the dim and dismal places of your heart, He will enter, and He will cause you to be reborn- born from death into life; from depression into hope. When we know His word, we know that there is always Hope, and that we must not give up, and we do not quit. He is with you now- He will not fail you or forsake you. He is Love, and Love never quits or gives up.

Released

What Jesus has done for us:

Isaiah 61
1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed meto bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.

You Can Have What You Say

A quote from Charles Capp's minibook "God's Creative Power for your Finances", where he quotes instructions that the Lord gave him during a time of prayer:

"Study and search My word for promises that pertain to you as a believer. Make a list of these, and confess them aloud daily. They will build up your spirit over a period of time. Then, when these truths are established in your spirit, they will become true in you."

That's the way it works! It applies to health, finances, mental and emotional wellbeing: every area of life. The word of God will work in our lives, if we will give it place.

Reminding Myself

It's time to remind myself of what I've learned the last couple years of my journey.

Namely, that God is not my enemy. He is not doing bad things to me, but wants to deliver me- to help and to heal me. God is good. This seems simple enough to understand, but you must know that when thoughts enter a person's mind like: "God won't help you, He doesn't care." and, "God isn't answering your prayers- He isn't going to either." then a greater answer is needed than just "oh yes, He does." Truth is needed! I've learned that I must store up the word in my heart, until it overflows out of my mouth in faith, and then it will come to pass in my life. I've learned that I can have whatever I believe, not just what I know mentally. When it's in me in abundance, and I can speak it out of my mouth, totally believing that it will come to pass, then I am using my faith. But if I don't believe it in my heart (if I only believe it mentally), then the only answer is to go back to the word, and keep feeding it in: to keep putting it into my eyes, into my ears, and into my heart.

When I focus on the physical problem, I magnify it; I am sensitized to it, and become more aware of it. However, when I focus in on God, I become aware of His greatness, and His goodness- then I give Him place to move in My life. My attention is less on the problem, and more on the love that God has for me. When I focus in on what is hurting me, and what's going wrong, I perpetuate it! I create at least a mental habit that keeps going over its wounds again and again! But when I focus on the love of God (in worship), and focus on others (in serving them in thinking about how they feel), I find I do have just a bit more strength that I can offer Him. I find that I do have enough love to love someone other than myself.

When something has come against our physical bodies, or our minds, it is tempting to despair, or to be selfish- to think only on what's wrong in our lives, and how to fix it. It can even seem like the right thing to do: like a person who discovers that they have celiac disease, who begins to focus on how to bake gluten free. This can seem like the right thing to do, right? Because it is best for that person's health; and they are doing it to heal, so they can be there for their family, right? But I think what can happen is that the focus is also on all those words like: "celiac, gluten free, disease, diahrea, sick," etc. etc. So if the focus is not on Christ, and His healing word, then we don't make progress! We just stay in a habit of researching: always trying to find a cure; always seeking an answer! The search for natural treatments is inexaustible- seemingly. But the word of God is inexaustible, truly!

And I know now that I can change my expectations. I don't have to let my mind go down every little bunny trail of what can go wrong, or what it is afraid of. I can speak God's word; I can pray; I can on purpose decide to expect something good. I can hope! This may seem out of reach to someone who is deeply depressed, but we are never beyond the reach of God's word, and we are never too sick to be affected by it! Even if a person can't read the bible, they can still play it on cd. Their spirit can hear it- it is the Seed, and it will Produce! The word of God itself contains the power to bring itself to pass, just like a cucumber seed has the power to bring forth a cucumber. But someone has to plant it! We must expose ourselves continually to God's word, in order to renew our mind! When we reach the place where God's word is changing what we think, then it will transform our lives! I've learned that when I focus on the little lying thoughts that come against my mind, and try to answer them with reasoning, then I exaust myself, and feel defeated. But when I answer them with God's word, I don't need to fight the battle- the word itself is doing the work.

Again, and again, I've learned that I can't sleep in and hope that some extra rest will do me good- I have to get out of bed and seek God through His word; I need Him. Even more than sleep.

I've learned that I am happier, more peaceful, and more content when I yield to Him (obey Him, submit to His Holy Spirit), even when it doesn't seem right, or fair, or as if anyone appreciates my sacrifice. He sees, He alone truly appreciates. He made a Sacrifice too.

I've learned that I can comfort myself with the psalms. I've learned that when this world seems overwhelming, that there is a Place I can go to be reassured, to be strengthened. I've learned that He is the ultimate Teacher; Lover; Provider; Healer; Forgiver; Strengthener; Standby; and Grace. I can't do without Him, and He doesn't expect me to. He will meet me. He will answer when I call.

Psalm 56: 8-11

You have kept count of my tossings, and put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book? Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise (in the Lord, whose word I praise), in God I trust, I shall not be afraid.

Run as to Win

I went for a jog this morning. It's not a long circuit, and I don't jog fast; but at the beginning of autumn, I could barely walk it.

So I talked to myself as I jogged/walked about how much easier today was than yesterday, and how much easier yesterday was than Wednesday. "Self, I want you to remember that exercise is easier and more fun, the more often you do it!"

That made me think suddenly of prayer. Could prayer be easier, and more fun, the more often I do it?

I know this to be true about my bible reading. If I take a break from it, it can be hard slugging to get back on track. Just like exercise: if I take several days to rest, eat up, and relax; then it can be hard slugging the next time I set out for a walk.

Yesterday was intensely windy here. I'd had a difficult night, and I knew that if I was going to have strength for the day, I would have to do two things:

1. read my bible

2. get some exercise

So I set out for a run in the wind. I ran mostly to get it over with faster.

You know, I found it really difficult. My head throbbed, my eyes watered, my feet were sore, and I was making slow going in the wind. But I kept self talking: "I'm not giving up; I'm not quitting". I was half talking it, half praying. I needed to apply it to every area of my life at that moment. But that run didn't last forever, and I was happy and refreshed when it was done. Also, I was stronger.

Shall I admit that occasionally my "quiet time" with the Lord can be that way? Sometimes I have to make myself focus on the words I'm reading again and again. Sometimes I have to start over, and read it aloud to myself to make sure I'm listening! Sometimes I have to cry. Sometimes I have to repent of the same things, over and over. Sometimes...... Sometimes I feel alone, and as if all this self discipline in my bible reading is making no difference.

BUT. When I was feeling that way yesterday, the scripture came into my mind:

The Word of the Lord is living, and active: sharper than any two-edged sword: penetrating to the dividing assunder of the soul and spirit; the joints and marrow; and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Living and active... Yes, that's right. Even when I don't feel it, the word is working on my behalf! It is a seed, that I planted in my heart, my mind, my life.

Sometimes when I plant my garden in the spring, it is cold outside; windy; drizzly; discouraging. But this makes no difference to the seed. It is buried dead, beneath the unassuming earth, BUT. The bible says the ground produces of itself! Soon the dead seed begins to swell with moisture, soon it begins to break. In its brokeness it sends out a root, and a tender, pale shoot. For awhile, you can see nothing, even though the seed is alive. You could go out to my garden two weeks after I've planted my carrots and say: "There's nothing there. It's not working."

But I can testify to you here, that it has always worked. I have always gotten carrots. This year, I had more carrots than I knew what to do with! They are still in buckets in my cold room, and we will eat off of that harvest for many months!

Can the bible be like that? Yes. Jesus said that the sower sows the word. That means that the one who desires a harvest in any area of his (her) life must plant the word of God. Sometimes when we do, it is raining in our lives. Other times, it is sunny and warm. Either way, we recoginize our need to seed. And we get up early one more time, reading His word.

Just the same, we recognize our need for energy, health, and strength, so we go out and jog, wether it is sunny or windy.

We just don't quit, and we expect a harvest. Living, and Active.

Yes.

A re-post from "journey on to healing"

I wanted to jot down a couple of other things I'd been thinking about in relation to healing and the Word of God.
First,
I was thinking about juicers.
I have a centrifugal juicer which sort of grates the carrots, and flings the pieces around so that they are thrown against a screen. The pressure of this "flinging" makes the juice pass through the screen and drain into the cup, while the pulp works its way to the top of the screen and then is ejected out the back of the juicer.
I also have a "masticating" juicer (masticating means chewing). It sends the carrots down an auger which grinds and presses them, squeezing the juice out of the pulp.
A centrifugal juicer is faster- it is louder (and thus more impressive). It just whips those carrots around, and soon you have a tall frothy glass of carrot juice! But, in all that whipping, the carrot juice can be oxidized more- the antioxidants would be degraded, and there often isn't as much juice produced as in a masticating juicer.
A masticating juicer works slower, quieter. It takes more effort on my part to force them down the feeding tube, and more effort in my cutting them up first (no big opening on the top, like the centrifugal juicer). The carrots are exposed to less air, and there is generally more juice extracted. It may seem to take more work, but the product is more nutritious, and will keep longer in the fridge.
And this got me thinking!
Is that how I sometimes approach the bible? Like it is something to be done every morning just out of neccessity? Do I just go downstairs and shove some bible verses in there, whip them around in order to get a quick drink, and then carry on to "more important things"? Have I been trying to go through the "bible drive through"?
Will I choose instead to "masticate" the word of God- to chew on it- to turn it over and over, and to crush it- to put pressure on it- to make sure that I squeeze everything out of it that I can?
Will I be willing to slow down, and encorporate a high quality product, savoring it, swishing it around in my mouth? Yes, carrot juice will cost me more than a stop at the McDonald's drive through for a coffee. It will cost me more in time, and in price. But it will give me something to live on. Something to build my life out of.
When I want to cook a roast, I like it to be flavorful, and tender. I often put it in the cast iron pot with some onions and garlic, and then cook it very slowly: all day long. BUT, if I want it to be done faster, I need to put pressure on it- I would need to put it in the pressure cooker. Just so, if I want to really benefit from God's word, I need to both slow down, and put pressure on it. We put pressure on it by doing what it says- by believing it enough to act on what it says.
For me, on Monday, that meant eating turkey. I eat 90% raw vegan (for health reasons, not ethical reasons) and I have eaten meat perhaps only two times in the last year. Monday was our church banquet. I ate a bit of quinoa before I went in case there was nothing I could eat there, but as I sat at the banquet not wanting to explain to everyone why I was eating NOTHING, I felt the Holy Spirit challenging me to trust Him, to trust what He said. If I really am healed in Christ, then I can eat turkey.
So, I tentatively ate my salad WITH the dressing (I don't eat any fat), and then slowly chewed on my carrots and green beans. I skipped the bun, but then I was down to the turkey and mashed potatoes! I ate a corner of turkey with gravy. I thought about it. Then I ate another corner. I thought about it. I reviewed in my mind my commitment to trust God, and my unwillingness to fear because He is with me. I chose not to fear- no matter what. I ate about half of the turkey (I offered Jed my potatoes).
For me this was an act of faith. I chose to step out, and I chose not to fear. It wasn't easy, but it was right.
I went home that evening, and felt fine, I continued to feel fine the entire evening. But I want to remember here, that it was as I ate my meal IN FAITH, that it was incorporated into my body and used as a blessing. It's the same in doing my bible reading- when I read it IN FAITH, mixing belief with what I've heard (the kind of belief that acts- that steps out and does it), then it will be real in my life- it will happen. It will be alive to me.