Friday, August 1, 2008

A Heart Transformed

Something's been changing in me, something on the inside. Like a cracking, a creaking, and a breaking up of ice, I have been yielding.

Like a glacier, and you cannot see its motion, but it is moving none the less, and driven by an unstoppable force.

Yet He is so gentle, never pushing, only leading and encouraging, and praise God, He is disciplining.

I didn't know discipline when I was young. I thought I did- I got enough spankings- I was a "good girl".

But I didn't know that discipline isn't what happens when you are "bad", but it is the constant, consistent shaping of a life, the gentle guiding of the potter with his clay. The clay is unaware of the gentle shaping, the liquid touch, but it is formed according to the will of the one who makes it.

I am glad now to know His discipline. That when everything on the inside of me is rebelling, and everything on the outside of me is spewing out poison of self- then is He shaping, grinding, sanding, and blowing away the dust.

What changed I think, is the same thing that is often changing- often I have strayed from my dedication to His word, and stayed in it merely to be a good girl. To avoid punishment. But what do you do with a God who doesn't punish, but is waiting on your attention?

What do you do with Wisdom, who is crying aloud at the high places along the way? She isn't forcing, She is inviting.

So I yield. I stop, I turn, I look to Her.

This life isn't worth living without Her.

God spoke in His word of Wisdom as a woman. But did you know that foolishness is also a woman? She is loud, brash, unashamed.

Which woman am I being to those around me? The gentle, ever inviting leadership of Wisdom, or the fleshly, forceful, pushy foolishness.

I had just as hard a time getting up this morning as I have had on many other mornings. The house was just as messy, and there was possible more laundry than usual. But today, something on the inside of me was different, and I stayed in His word, just because it was His word.

The mess and the pressures couldn't find me there.

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