Thursday, February 12, 2009
Note to Self
I just wanted to tell you that you've been rather hard on me lately.
Yes, I have been rather grouchy, but I didn't get much sleep this week, and the sleep I did get was rather low quality. You know I need sleep.
It's true, I haven't gotten much done around the house, but you know my energy levels have been low- it's just that time of the month. On top of that, it's February. And I did babysit my nephew yesterday.
I know, I know, I haven't gotten around to doing the bills, but I did do four loads of laundry yesterday. It's true I haven't been preparing healthy food the way I'd like to, but I did take the kids for a bike ride.
I just wanted to ask you, to please stop beating me up. I'm doing the best I can here. It's hard to stay on top of all these things!
I've been worried about my sister- it's no excuse for neglecting my family, but I have to say it's weighed on me. I see all the things I haven't gotten done, but there are things that are going well too. I'm just not sure that you are noticing those things. Please, try to have a good attitude, for my sake.
I hear your point, but I have some concerns. Namely, that as long as you have an excuse, you will never change. Your excuse is the reason that you stay the same! I'm really proud of you for getting all that laundry done, but did you remember that you will have to do it again today? I'm glad that the children have been keeping up on their math, but do you have a vision any higher than that?
You always start off well, but then you slow in your pace, and often just quit! Laziness is not a reason to give up!
I know that you've been going through some tough times, but let me tell you from experience, that crying won't make the difference! Remember what Julie Wandling said: How big is your Wanna? She was talking about diet, but I'd say that it applies to your life and desires right now, don't you? These desires do not originate merely in you. The frustration you are experiencing to a large part is because you are not living up to your full potential, and you know it. It used to be satisfying to do certain things that now are a source of discomfort, because you are being challenged to leave a low level of life behind, and move on up to something greater.
But I warn you, you cannot do it with the attitude you've had up until now. This great new life cannot be accomplished by agendas, schedules, and resolutions and efforts. It is accomplished by faith, and obedience. It happens through self sacrifice. You are launched out into the deep of this new freedom when you stop focusing on your self, and begin to focus on Jesus. You cannot do it all for Him, but He has done it all for you. Can you just lay down your perspectives, and let Him take control?
Yours Truly, Conscience.